Well, it’s springtime! We British just love the spring, don’t we? The cherry blossoms, cascading their confetti, like a blush pink snowfall. The lambs, frolicking (and being born in a very graphic, Farmer Sam is literally in there up to his shoulder, kind of way). The 7 minutes of (semi) warm weather that we get, nestled discreetly amongst the many many many April showers. Yep. We love it. Despite the annoying behaviours it always seem to illicit from kids.
1. Becoming obsessed with the park.
Probably not annoying for most, but some of us prefer to avoid what is essentially an outdoor soft play, except without the caffeine filled beverages, as much as we possibly can. Unfortunately, the slightest glimmer of sunlight seems to trigger some sort of chemical reaction (this is very probably scientifically true) in children that invokes in them, a desperate yearning to go to the park. All the time. Gone are the lazy pyjama days of winter. No more can you while away the hours by palming them off with an iPad. You’re now expected to actually get outside with them. To watch them climbing the wrong way up the slide, or lobbing sand into the face of another child whilst their Mother looks at you in disdain because you were actually glued to your phone and didn’t notice them knocking little Tiberius off the roundabout. And the thing is, it might look sunny, but it’s still minus sodding ten!
2. Paddling pools.
If it’s not the park, its the paddling pool. I’ve lost count of the number of times they’ve pleaded with me to get it out already this year. It’s April, you freaks! If you want to splash about in water, have a bath like a normal person.
Farms do a roaring trade in the spring. There’s very little that kids love more than admiring all the newborn animals, staggering around fields. This tends to raise a few tricky questions when you offer up bangers & mash for their dinner though. They’ll casually ask you where sausages come from and, somehow, “Tesco” doesn’t quite cut it. We’ve all been there. “Babe” saw me swear off bacon for an entire day. So now they’re saying they don’t want to eat animals anymore. Until you remind them that their favourite Happy Meal is cheeseburger.
4. Ice cream guilt.
Ah, the dulcet tones of an ice cream van in the distance. Is there any sound more springlike? Children’s ears literally prick up when they hear it. It’s pavlovian. Every single day they ask you for ice cream and every single day you have to explain to them that just because Daddy Kool insists on parking up outside your house at dinner time night after night, ice cream is not a valid substitute for a proper main meal. (Unless your name is Mummy and it’s been a rough day.)
5. Blowing dandelions.
You should try to avoid walking anywhere with your kids in the spring. Any journey on foot will become exponentially longer because dandelions lure children in with some sort of silent siren call which means they have to stop, pick and blow every. single. one. And there are a lot around in the spring. A very lot. This is incredibly annoying. Particularly if you happen to be stood downwind and thus are forced to spend the next week plucking seeds from your hair.