I went for my 20 week scan yesterday. I didn’t post anything at the time because I didn’t know how to put into words, the emotions I felt at seeing our healthy rainbow. It was such an overwhelming feeling. Very different to the 20 week scans I’ve had previously. I didn’t rush in there, full of excitement, desperate to find out if I was carrying a boy or a girl. I went alone, and lay hesitantly on the bed, still filled with the anxiety that haunts me after too many scans filled with heartbreak. The only thing I was desperate to find out this time, was if our baby was ok.
This one, this little miracle of ours, is absolutely perfect. Carrying a rainbow baby is something I never imagined I would experience. But in some ways, i’m glad. I’m glad that I can wholly understand and appreciate how truly incredible growing a human is. How many things there are that can go wrong and how painful it can be when they do. How, even after everything, I’m still one of the lucky ones.
I will savour every single moment of this pregnancy (yes, even the reflux and the acne and the pelvic pain) because I know how incredibly fortunate I am to be experiencing it. I realise, with outstanding clarity, what a gift this is.
So hang in there, Mamas of little stars in the sky. Even when you feel like there is no hope left, once the storm has passed, you just might find your rainbow ❤️